lame metaphors for facebook

It's like a big party, the kind you know everyone will show up to, and it's fun at first. Then after a few hours of mingling and polite chat you get exhausted. You're searching for something new to say but, over and over, it's the same old "How are you? Married? Kids? Have a great day LOLOLOL."

After the initial chatter, when people are getting tired and bored, you're up on your tippie-toes searching the crowd for those few people that you haven't seen, who are of course the ones you'd really like to see, who are of course doing things other than revisiting high school parties, i.e., are not on Facebook. They're at actual parties, with their actual spouses.

Then it gets overwhelming. The party games never end, the chatter drags on for as long as people can still yammer away. You start sliding towards the door, shifty-eyed, wondering where the hell you left your coat and why in the world that fat old man whose fly is half-open is trying to corner you for the umpty-third time that night.

You run. You don't even bother saying goodbye to most of the people, just grab your coat, blast out the door, and slam it behind you. You know you'll wake up in the morning to 20 blinking IM boxes, all asking where you went, and one passive-aggressive "hate it when ppl don't say goodbye" comment, when ppl is 20 times worse than LOL but at least not as bad as the incomprehensibly spelled comments. You've narrowly escaped your parents showing up and making comments about your awful diaper rash or chubby tummy that never went away, but you sort of wanted to see them too. At least to talk to someone who you've seen in the last 20 years.

Possibly you vow to never look at Facebook again; you might even deactivate your account and have a sudden spurt of accomplishment because you're not checking it every 5 minutes. But you'll go back. Just like you go back to those awkward parties with the bad punch and crushing crowds. Curiosity, loneliness, boredom, all coupled with a sincere interest in catching up and a curiosity about others' lives... oh yes, you'll go back.

Rinse, repeat. It's a vicious cycle, but I'm in it.